bergandsheepy: (Good Boy)
[personal profile] bergandsheepy
I don't know how to feel as of yet. My father passed away this past weekend at 75. I haven't seen him in 40 years. I'm backing my brother's play by attending his wake today. My brother had known him for five more years than myself. He tried to get in touch with us about 10 years ago, after my brother reached out. Nothing came of it. Back my brothers play. He's going to the wake today and I'm going as well.

I can say that my father never knew what we became. Dr. Laura called divorced men with young kids "sperm donors" because they were never there as we grew up. I didn't care about her preaching righteousness because she had been a little nasty before being " born again". But the "sperm donor" words hit home. In a way, it made me bitter, but reflecting on it, I didn't know him. I had more of a feeling when the second man my mom married and divorced passed. I knew him a little better.

I honestly don't remember anything about my dad except that he moved out and maybe we'd go visit him every week. He could have helped much more if he provided child support. My mom actually had him jailed for a few days because he was not paying. A few years later my mom met another man and he took up helping a little, but mom kept her career. I never loved my "stepfather" but I respected him. My Mom is only the true champion of my youth. She put herself through one of the toughest nursing schools in the country to make sure we had something to grow up for. I'm extremely proud of mom's achievements. All I remember about my dad is he sold cars and loved the Beatles. (I guess that's a little footnote that makes me remember him...since I was in sales for a few years....)

I love my mom. She IS my mom AND dad. She's the reason I am what I am. Popeye be damned. :) (Yes, she used to sing that to us to make us eat our spinach.)

Arf. -Ric

POST/Update 9:15P-- After going to the service and meeting the other two kids from my dad's second marriage, I learned that he was very bitter and short and shut out even his sister who just sent a recorded word about hoping he now has peace. Still, all the grief his step son experienced, all alone, even once a few years back about going against my dad's wishes in order to save his life, well.... Maybe I have a bit different opinion now, but I never got to say that to him, neither did his sister.

May 2017

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